Discovering motherhood…one poopy diaper at a time.

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Archive for June, 2009

but don’t worry, I’ll get my chance later today.  Just cat poop but, still, I’ll get my chance.  That being said…

At risk of sounding like an ass (a risk I seem to take rather frequently, so it seems), I would rather be scooping elephant shit than be a mom today.  Yesterday, too.  I am not enjoying it these past few days, I am just wishing I was anywhere but here.

It is hard to admit that, especially to the THOUSANDS (insert laughter here) of readers that are viewing this post.  It is, however, the truth.  There are days like that.  I have no doubt that every parent has had days they questioned their decision to have children and pondered the thought of selling them to the gypsies.  Too bad gypsies are hard to find these days.

I just want to put this out there for any parent, new or experienced, that harbors these thoughts.  They are ok.  It DOES NOT mean you don’t love your child.  I know this to be FACT, as I still love my child and would throw myself in front of a bus to protect her even as I type the words.

I think I need a break.

Mostly, I am adjusted to my new life as a mom.

There is one hang-up I still have:  Wishing my life now more closely resembled my life pre-baby.

I know.  It is a selfish hang-up.  But it is how I feel. 

I have been back home for 5 days from a girls-trip to Florida and I can honestly say that no matter the fact I missed Kira terribly while I was away…I still didn’t want to come home.  I wanted more time to myself, with my friends, on the beach.  I thought about how many times in my pre-baby life I’d thought about moving to the beach and being a beach-bum for a living.  I’d be good at it.  I could spend 8-10 hours a day on the beach renting out chairs and umbrellas…hell, I think I was made for that job.  I dreaded coming home.  And, yes, I certainly do realize EXACTLY how bad that sounds.

At one point, my wishful thinking included Kira as I considered the thought of her and I heading off to the sand and shores.  I tried to include Vince, although that was more dificult since he isn’t exactly a beach loving person, but I did try

After much debate and reverie during my final moments in the sand and surf, I realized that all these thoughts are a direct result of one thing and one thing only:

I still long for the freedom to come and go as I please.  The freedom to walk out the door and not come back, even though I am by nature a more responsible person than that.  The freedom to take a loooong vacation and to move to the beach for good, if I so choose.  The freedom to vacation with Vince where ever we want to go.  The freedom to grab my wallet and go shopping on a whim.  To lay out in the sun and read a book for hours on end.  To go have a drink with my friends, to do whatever, whenever, wherever…

I still long for that freedom…

It makes me feel incredibly selfish and guilty, even just thinking it. 

I love Kira in a way that I have never loved anyone, anything…and that is saying so much, because I love hard everytime I love.  But this is so different, loving this child that grew inside my body.  This child that looks like me, this child who has my blood pumping through her veins, her heart.

I would never even consider leaving her, I can’t even get a clear image of what my life from this point on would be like without her, and God forbid if anything ever takes her from me…I can’t even try to think how I would/could go on, it makes me tremble and shudder at even the thought.  Even with all that love…even still, I wish for the freedom I know I can never have.

I am curious if it ever goes away.  If this is something all parents feel or if my being thirty-something as a first time parent makes this feeling even stronger.

I’d love to hear what you have to say on the subject.

Kira and I are taking an infant swim class, it is her first time in a pool.  She loves it! (yay!)


Who’s In??

June 17th 9am-noon(ish).

Group mini-photo session for kids!  St. Peters Rec Plex park is where we’ll be!

Check it out! and sign up asap!

Click the above link for sample photos or go to for portfolio.

As many of you may already know, I am a photographer in my spare time… you know, when I am not trying to keep up with Kira, typing up these incredibly entertaining blog posts or being a dutiful wife (yeah, right!).

I am hosting a VERY AFFORDABLE mini-photo shoot for children at a local park.  The photo session is just $25 for one child and for families with more than one child, just $5 more per additional child.

We will meet Wednesday, June 17th from 9 a.m to noon (ish).  I would be happy to meet a little earlier, if I get requests for it.   If we get rained out, we will simply reschedule.

What you can expect is a fun morning walking around a park (or all day, should you choose to make a day of it!), for me to interact with the kids while I take photos, to have fun keeping things relaxed and enjoyable, and to receive several 4 x 6 prints of your child/children within a week or two.  The 4 x 6 prints are yours and additional prints in any size are available, if you choose, at a reasonable rate per print.  There are no specifications on what prints/sizes/quantities that you order additionally, or that you even have to order.

I would suggest to anyone that is interested that you email me an R.S.V.P. to so that I can exchange any additional information, answer any questions and get an idea how many to expect.   As far as the children are concerned, please dress them however you see fit but I ask that they be dressed comfortable for whatever the temperature is expected to be, that they be fed or bring a snack if necessary, that you plan to stay with your child at all times, and be prepared to wipe their faces if you are bringing a snack!  I also encourage you to bring any props (like a special toy, sunglasses, a feather boa, hats, etc…) you wish to be included in the photos, if you so choose.  Just be sure they are appropriate items to be taken into the Gardens and that you are willing/able to carry them around.

Here are a few examples of the type of casual portraiture you can expect and you are welcome to visit my photography site for more examples of my work and regular pricing information:


Thank you all and I look forward to seeing many of you there!

I dug up a bush in the front yard today.  It is not a  pretty bush at all and is too big for the location  by our window.

I didn’t want to kill it, so I replanted it in the side yard.

Perhaps it is the sunshine, perhaps the exercise, or just perhaps the little bush looks so happy in its new location that it rubbed some happiness off on me.

Not that I was UNhappy to begin with, but I am feeling all full of happy, relaxed, calm, and extremely grateful since I replanted the little bush.

In addition to being very sick for more than a week, Kira has hit a number of milestones since my last update about her.

She started pulling herself up to a standing position and can stand holding onto stuff.  She is trying to walk while she hangs onto stuff.  I never go into her room when she wakes up to find her doing anything other than standing up hanging onto the slats like a little, cute jailbird or a caged monkey.  She figured out how to remove her diaper and has been practicing over and over again.  We now have lots of naked time, good thing for her she has such a cute tushie that I can’t tell her no.  Besides, sometimes it’s good to air out your buns.  She is feeding herself Puffies (aka, babycrack) without any help from me.  If I haven’t mentioned it previously, she has been crawling very quickly and efficiently for about a month.  She now officially sits in the big girl seat in shopping carts and in restaurants.  She is such a big girl!

The only things she hasn’t yet acheived are having teeth come through and holding her own bottle.  She is, however, teething hard-core so I expect teeth to pop through anytime now and she does hold her bottle so she can chew on it, she just prefers for us to do the work when she’s eating.

Hmm…can’t think of anything else, really.

Just that today I am taking her for her first swim class.  I am eagerly anticipating it and hope she likes it, too.

I fell on a flight of concrete steps while carrying her the other day.  I took the hit hard on my right knee to avoid her hitting the concrete or me landing on her.  It is swollen and bruised and extremely sore.  It scared me much worse than it hurt me, though!


I probably haven’t made much mention about our trouble moving from Hong Kong to St. Louis up ’til now, but I believe we are finished chasing down Graebel to fix the damages we incurred due to their gross negligence during both packing and moving.  They damaged our billiard table severely, ripped a hole in our sofa, broke the back off a dinette chair and there were innumerable damages to decorative items that were packed by the Graebel staff with the skill of throwing everything, whether it be fragile or not, into a box with absolutely no packing material.

This damage caused by Graebel’s negligence was not acceptable and we had made arrangements to have the additional insurance coverage in the event there were some damages during shipping/storage that were unavoidable.  Good thing we did, because there was a lot of it!

Problem is, Graebel has been nothing shy of difficult and at times argumentative regarding our account and in getting our information straight (stating we did NOT have insurance when IN FACT we DID!), insisting that we have a repair company come and fix things (which we did and they did and some things were fine, but a big rip with stitching in it is still a big rip!), and then arguing over what we did or didn’t find acceptable as far as repairs and letting that go on for months all the while they were actually closing our account without our knowledge even though the staff member we were dealing with just kept arguing with us.

Finally, we got a new person to deal with us and they are going to work with us.  They are NOT, however, going to comply with the request that I made that would make this acceptable for us.  We are conceding to their way because they are unwilling to make good on the customer service end of the deal.  They ARE going to compensate us with the specified insured amount of our sofa and loveseat, but they are going to do so by having what would be a minimum of 3 more people come to our home during the day…and quite frankly, all I wanted for them to do is pay us what we insured the sofa/loveseat for and LEAVE US ALONE.  But they can’t seem to do that.

They have rules they have to comply with that do not consider whether their customers are satisfied, but rather that inconvenience us even further than they already have by expecting US to jump through even more flaming hoops when it should be THEM jumping through this ONE hoop for us.

If they would just make this final transaction simple and not require any more from us, since we paid for their service, not the other way around…then, I could be satisfied and let it go.

But they won’t.  So I would suggest to anyone that is ever considering a move, whether it be a local move or a long distance/overseas move to STAY CLEAR OF DEALING WITH GRAEBEL MOVERS.  They will cause you nothing but grief and waste your time AFTER they break all your shit.

If you are interested, you can read the final letter of reluctant acceptance of their terms:

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