All my Christmas spirit is gone and I didn’t have that much to begin with.
I will get recharged when we arrive in St. Louis, but until then I am just a broken-hearted mess. I dropped my puppies off this morning and I had to take them on the ferry. I really hate taking them in public here because as we walk (leashed) toward the ferry, all the while my dogs’ tails are working overtime, people are so frightened of them that they physically are taken aback by their mere presence. My dogs are so ridiculously non-imposing and kind-eyed and they are wagging their tails with their ears laid back. This is not menacing behavior.
This is an area that is allegedly “dog-friendly”, but the bottom line is that we live in Asia and, generally speaking, Asian people do not like dogs. I get sick and tired of seeing people react with fear and throwing their hands up and shrinking back away from my dogs, even running or jumping away from them sometimes, when my dog comes within 6 feet of them. They are leashed, they are not growling and many times are not even showing interest. How is it that so many people can be so uneducated about animal behavior? It isn’t against their religion, so therefore I cannot comprehend what the problem is other than being uninformed and closed-minded. It is common sense that acting out in fear is a good way to get a dogs attention and sometimes even bring about negative attention from a dog that otherwise couldn’t give a rats ass that you exist, much less that you are taking in oxygen.
I really do hate that about living here. In the U.S., when I take my dogs in public (like the park or PetsMart), no one even notices them unless they want to approach them. I miss that. I get sick of worrying that one false move and my dogs will suffer the consequence. That, given the right set of circumstances, even if my dog does not behave aggressively, they could be accused of doing harm and that alone could have consequences.
I am hormonal in addition to sleep deprived, sick and stressed, but all that aside I still just want to move home sometimes. I get homesick for my friends and family, but also for the way of life I have always known. I have less stress here, but more worries. As I type this, I have the overwhelming desire to go home for good.
Recently, my husband posted about feeling homesick and I must say that I have felt that way many times in the past 15 months living here in Hong Kong but never so much that I wanted to leave until now. I love living here, but there is no place like home and home for me is the U.S.
I think part of what brought on some of my feelings about leaving Hong Kong is that Cybr got news that a new contract was ready for him that will keep us here for two more years from now. If we don’t accept the contract we would be leaving here in less than a year. I suggested to him that we each make lists of reasons to stay in Hong Kong and reasons to return home. That way we can see in writing where we stand cumulatively before we make a decision.
Truthfully, when he told me about the contract being ready my own reaction took me by surprise. My heart hurt, my eyes stung from holding back tears, and my stomach tightened when I was expecting just the opposite. I was anticipating excitement about extending our stay, but that isn’t how my gut felt about it. I find that listening to my “gut instinct” works well for me, like intuition or something, so it was hard to ignore it.
We came, we lived, we grew as individuals and as a couple, we have taken a leap of faith and came out smelling like roses…so, is it time to go now?
I really don’t have an answer. I know that I can think of a LOT of reasons to return home at the end of the original contract date and only a couple reasons to stay here longer.