I should preface this by saying that this was already poop #3 of the day and it wasn’t yet one o’clock in the afternoon…
I began by placing my child on the floor in front of me to change a stinky poopy diaper but she was more interested in being free like the wind, which makes keeping her still and on her back a difficult task. She wiggled to break free of me while I reasoned with a 10 month old to stick around long enough to get a new diaper on…yeah, fat chance of that working. As I explained to her the importance of having patience (ironic, since I have none myself) and how she can make time to allow a quick diaper change (I mean, I kinda make her schedule so there’s no getting around the fact that she has the time!), she chewed on the face of a monkey, occasionally attempting to make a break for it.
Okay, poopy diaper off, butt clean, and new diaper on, sparing no time to safely roll the poop into the dirty diaper in hope of that being enough seconds spared to get the new diaper securely fastened.
As I fasten the last tab, Kira, in one swift motion, rolls over into a downward dog and springs up onto her feet and takes a step over my legs to escape.
Except now that I am reaching for the poopy diaper to roll it up and discard it, I realize the poop is missing.
Yes, I said the poop is MISSING!
I look at Kira and exclaim, “THE POOP IS MISSING!” in a humorously alarmed tone. She looks back at me curiously as I, on hands and knees, look all over the living room and even UNDER the sofa for a turd. I mean, really, how difficult can it be to find a TURD in the LIVING ROOM?!? I am uncertain where else to look and I have not yet located said turd, so again I look to Kira and say with an underlying tone of both defeat and laughter, “I don’t know where the poop is. Do you see the stinky poopy?”.
This is the point of the story in which my 10 month old child, who has a very timely, witty and slightly “off” sense of humor already, looks right at me and raises her right leg straight out in front of her exposing the bottom of her foot where there is an infant shoe size 2 turd.
Ah, now the case of the missing poop has been solved…I may now move on to less stinky things.