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Discovering motherhood…one poopy diaper at a time.

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Archive for the ‘ickyness’ Category

I should preface this by saying that this was already poop #3 of the day and it wasn’t yet one o’clock in the afternoon…

I began by placing my child on the floor in front of me to change a stinky poopy diaper but she was more interested in being free like the wind, which makes keeping her still and on her back a difficult task.  She wiggled to break free of me while I reasoned with a 10 month old to stick around long enough to get a new diaper on…yeah, fat chance of that working.  As I explained to her the importance of having patience  (ironic, since I have none myself) and how she can make time to allow a quick diaper change (I mean, I kinda make her schedule so there’s no getting around the fact that she has the time!), she chewed on the face of a monkey, occasionally attempting to make a break for it.

Okay, poopy diaper off, butt clean, and new diaper on, sparing no time to safely roll the poop into the dirty diaper in hope of that being enough seconds spared to get the new diaper securely fastened.

As I fasten the last tab, Kira, in one swift motion, rolls over into a downward dog and springs up onto her feet and takes a step over my legs to escape.

No problem…

Except now that I am reaching for the poopy diaper to roll it up and discard it, I realize the poop is missing.

Yes, I said the poop is MISSING!

I look at Kira and exclaim, “THE POOP IS MISSING!” in a humorously alarmed tone.  She looks back at me curiously as I, on hands and knees, look all over the living room and even UNDER the sofa for a turd.  I mean, really, how difficult can it be to find a TURD in the LIVING ROOM?!?  I am uncertain where else to look and I have not yet located said turd, so again I look to Kira and say with an underlying tone of both defeat and laughter, “I don’t know where the poop is. Do you see the stinky poopy?”.

This is the point of the story in which my 10 month old child, who has a very timely, witty and slightly “off” sense of humor already, looks right at me and raises her right leg straight out in front of her exposing the bottom of her foot where there is an infant shoe size 2 turd.

Ah, now the case of the missing poop has been solved…I may now move on to less stinky things.

Aug
7
Hey.

I just thought I’d stop in and say hello.

This has been a hell of a year.

I’ve become a mom and all the glory and glamour that entails.  I have been jumping through hoops to try to find out what is up with my kid’s digestive system and allergies.  I have been feeling the pressure of new parenthood on my marriage, my daily life, and my self in general.  I have been hoping for time to pursue a photography career, but not quite been able to make time the way I’d like to.  I have been blogging (harhar).

So, you get it, this has been a crazy year so far.  And it’s not over yet!  Thankfully.  AS IF I need the years to pass any faster than they already do.

My point, you ask? Now I am sick.  No, not just sick and tired.  Actually sick.  Ill.  I am awaiting some bloodwork, some has been done already, and waiting for answers.  It is looking like a variety of problems that may or may not include: low thyroid, low potassium, kidney issues of some variety, and leaning toward type 2 diabetes.  This does not appeal to me.  Nothing on this list actually appeals to me. Although, I must say, if I knew what was wrong then perhaps I could fix it and then feel better.  That is what I’m looking forward to.

I suppose motherhood has been harder on me than I suspected…I mean, I expected some gray hairs (no worries, got those, too!) but I apparently get a bonus health of an 80 year old package! wOOt!

Kidding, of course.  I am expecting to be fine because in all honesty and humor aside, the one thing motherhood has given me for certain that trumps all this other medical b.s. is a reason to be here for a long, long time and a reason to be healthy, healthier, perhaps even healthiest…or whatever that means.  In a nut shell…I am not worried because I am not going anywhere but right here participating in my kid growing into an adult.

I was stubborn before, but I think I may have just taken it to an all new level.

Think healthy thoughts for me, say prayers, send healing vibes…whatever you do, it’s all welcome.  Thanks!

Kira would not settle down last night so I went into her room and caught a whiff of what could have been poop.  I smelled her diaper and didn’t get any definite readings but couldn’t just leave her in a poopy diaper, if indeed that was the problem keeping her from drifting off to sleepy-town, and didn’t want to pick her up and engage her if it wasn’t necessary.

So, I did what thousands of mothers (and-edited to add based on my comments- father’s!) have done before me…I used my finger to pull aside the edge of her diaper.

I retracted said finger covered with green poop.  And lots of it.

Oh, I would say…she was ripe.

Onto the Wordless Wednesday portion of my poopy post, where in the spirit of Wordlessness…I shall shut up and just post the damn picture!

collage

I was in a crappy-with-a-capital-Y mood on Saturday.  I have no reason for it, I just was.  I got out of the house for a bit sans family because I thought 1) it would help my mood to have a little “me” time and 2) I figured I could kick my own ass at the gym if retail therapy didn’t help.

I went by Garden ridge for some planters and when I pulled into their busy parking lot, a Enterprise rental van was cutting through all parking lanes in a rather dangerous manner.  I, being the passive-aggressive driver that I can be, did not even slow down a bit.  I thought, “go ahead, hit me!” and kept my pace up the parking lot lane.  As she looked right at me, waved her arm at me, not slowing down even a little, cutting through parked cars and across lanes, risking people’s vehicles and safety…I laid on the horn and continued right for her.

At that moment, I truly wished that money was no object for us because I would have broad-sided her.

So, she saw myself and two other cars driving where we had the RIGHT OF WAY and proceeded without caution.  I was pissed anyway so this really bothered me.  I nearly took a parking spot near the entrance to the store but I knew it would burn a hole through me if I didn’t say something to her.

I circled around and over a couple of aisles where she had parked and pulled up next to her with my window down and ever-so-rudely asked her, “Do you think the fucking rules don’t apply to you?!?” and drove away flipping her the bird.

Now, I freaked her out a bit by pulling up next to her, but by no means do I believe that my action, or in this case REaction, has changed this woman into a more considerate, safe driver…I’m not kidding myself.  But it did make me feel better instead of holding it in for it to fester into something ripe and nasty.

I also had a few revelations this weekend, including:

  1. I think there is barbecue sauce on my ceiling.
  2. I really hate my chosen wordpress theme.
  3. Only one of my kids toenails ever grows.  Just one.
  4. Bananas make my kid poop like grown up.

That is about it.

Oh, and I started a new craft project this weekend but I can’t tell you what it is…or I’ll have to kill you.

I decided upon my return to St. Louis that I would like to do my part in avoiding hemorrhoids during this pregnancy.

First thing that came to mind as far as prevention was that toilet paper is entirely too abrasive a surface for such a delicate region. 

I purchased my first pack (obviously, I am out of the loop on ass-care products) of the adult version of baby wipes.  The most common brands I found were Cottonelle and Charmin, so being as particular as I am about regular toilet paper I chose to try both products to see which was a better fit for my ass.

This is what my findings are:

I used the Cottonelle brand first and it is okay.  I don’t mind the texture, there is no added fragrance or dyes…my only slight concern was that they sometimes rip when you pull one from the container and if it is that weak, then I may very well have cause for concern in the sanitation department.  But if I use a couple, then that remedies my concern.  Overall, it is a good product.

Then I moved on to the Charmin brand.  I opened the new container and -OMG!!!- I was hit with the overwhelming scent of bubble gum.  I don’t want to wipe bubble gum or bubble gum scent on my bunghole.  Eww!  It gives me the creeps.  There are some odors that just don’t mesh with ass.  Bubble gum is one of those fragrances, in my opinion. 

So, the Charmin wipes may very well be as good or better quality than the Cottonelle wipes…but my ass will never know.

Contrary to what you may think, this was NOT a paid advertisement but rather a ridiculously long post about my ass.

We did it again.

We took another road trip with our friends this past Sunday.

It didn’t quite turn out the same as the previous road trip.

Our Sunday began with Cybr and I checking out the unexpected flea market at the plaza in Discovery Bay.  It was painfully hot on Sunday, so when our friends called and said, “hey, do you want to take a road trip?” we said, “sure”.

We headed into the Gold Coast area hoping to find something cool to do or see, but to no avail.  While we were there, I had to pee and ended up using my first (and hopefully last!) eastern-style port-a-potty.  You literally squat over a hole filled with the shit of the thousands that came before you.  Yuck.

From there, we headed east to Sai Kung/Clearwater Bay at which point this occurred:

hk-road-trip.jpg

A blowout.  We hit a curb.  Tire=trash.

The guys were EXTREMELY quick with the tire change and the bonus was that the spare was full-sized.

From there we just went to TST and then went our separate ways.  Our friends had a work-related dinner to attend and while they invited us to join them, we opted for Hard Rock Hong Kong for dinner.

I enjoyed the beef brisket sandwich and Cybr had a bbq burger.  It was great food.  It was a $302.50 meal, so it better have been good!  Of course, that is in HKD so it’s only about $39 US.  Still expensive for a burger and sandwich (in my opinion), but it is the price you pay to eat at Hard Rock.

We followed that up with a trip on the Star Ferry, which takes us to Central to catch yet another ferry to Discovery Bay where we catch the bus to get home.  Sounds complicated?  Not really, but it takes forever.  It would have been faster than the train, but the ferry was delayed docking  which made us miss our other ferry.

The Star Ferry has some REAL HISTORY in Hong Kong.  Check out the link if you are interested.

Instant Message between me and my husband:

me: I had a battle of wits with some Brit out on his balcony over Guinness’s turd. I think I won, but just to be sure I will be taking both dogs to shit by his balcony later today…

cybr: HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

cybr: a battle of wits over poop?

me: yeah, it wasn’t pretty

cybr: I see

me: even the dogs appeared perplexed by the whole encounter

cybr: was he upset that they were pooping?

me: apparently
Guinness was pooping and I was waiting for him to finish when this guy starts yelling, “hey, you! pick that up, you need to pick that up!”

cybr: lol

me: I looked up to the 2nd story balcony from which this guy spotted a 2.5″ turd to find this guy leaning over shouting this at me

cybr: LOL

me: I yelled back at him that I don’t need to be told to pick up after my dogs, I do it 3 times a day and furthermore he’d probably find less shit below his balcony if he didn’t yell at people. He went inside. I debated doing what i imagine most people he yells at whilst on poop patrol do…wave and walk away, but i picked it up like i always do

me: i am still considering a retaliation mission

cybr: omg! obviously somebody needs a hobby if all they have to do is hang off their balcony and harass people

me: and look for tiny turds. what a weirdo. he is so far up, there is no way he could even notice poop…all this before 8:30 am

cybr: hehehe

me: that really sets the tone for the day. btw, have you scooped poop?

cybr: no I forgot. I’ll do it when I get home.

me: no prob
i think i will blog this conversation

cybr: hehe it’s kind of shitty

me: yes it is

This weekend (and even half of last week) has been devoted to my two very sick kitties. Francois and Burrito have both been digestively ill for a week. One has been vomiting and the other diarrhea-ing all over himself…yeah, it hasn’t been much fun but the clean-up is providing (much unwanted) practice for the little poopy one who resides within.

After not eating for two full days, I really wanted to take Burrito into the vet but I had to attend a doctor appointment myself (plus the good vet wasn’t working until Saturday). I decided I would take them both on Saturday, so that is what we did.

When they both started feeling ill, it was within 24 hours of having a rabies vaccination and I thought maybe it was them just feeling a little icky due to the shot or maybe the stress of having gone to the vet. However, as the illness progressed and worsened through out the week I knew there had to be another culprit. Their symptoms were different, but both were experiencing digestive problems.

I came up with two scenarios:

  1. We had sprayed some eco-friendly insect killer around the sliding doors to our balcony, as there were little flying insects coming through any crevice they could find during a storm last Sunday night. I thought that I was careful to keep the cats away and get up all the dead bugs and excess bug spray, but I decided that perhaps I had missed a spot and they got into it.
  2. The illnesses are not related to one another at all. Perhaps Francois’ diarrhea was from a bad batch of food or who know what else and Burrito’s vomiting and lack of appetite was from an intestinal blockage from the string he ate a couple of months ago. He yakked up part of the string for certain, but I knew there was still a chance part of it remained.

So, the vet says they are non-related illness and it is a fluke that it occurred at the same time. As much as that sucks, it is better that it not be the bug spray having poisoned them since that has serious long-term effects, not to mention I could never forgive myself.

Francois simply has an upset stomach, perhaps from the rabies shot or whatever else may have caused it. A little medicine to control the diarrhea and one to reduce the inflammation of his colon and he is all better, at least getting there.

Burrito has intestinal blockage. The poor kid was a little bit dehydrated so he received IV fluids and an enema to remove as much hard waste from his colon as possible. After the enema, they still felt a little hardened section of intestines and did an x-ray. The x-ray showed nothing, which isn’t uncommon, but the next option is for exploratory surgery and I am not ready for that. The vet recommended that we force feed him every two hours and see if we can keep food in him…if it comes up, then there is a definite blockage and if he poops it out there isn’t a blockage.

And that is what we have been doing this weekend.

I have a sinus headache that is headed for the 24 hour mark.

I hate sinuses.  I would like to have mine removed, surgically or otherwise.  I mean, really, what purpose to they serve other than to ache or to fill with snot?  I am fine with snot NOT being stored in my head…of course, then what would happen to it?  It could get messy, I suppose.

FYI…I just went outside to the garbage bin and as soon as I opened the door and the night air hit me I thought, “OMG! It reeks like dead fish!”.

Yuck!  That is definitely a negative point of living by the sea.