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Mostly, I am adjusted to my new life as a mom.

There is one hang-up I still have:  Wishing my life now more closely resembled my life pre-baby.

I know.  It is a selfish hang-up.  But it is how I feel. 

I have been back home for 5 days from a girls-trip to Florida and I can honestly say that no matter the fact I missed Kira terribly while I was away…I still didn’t want to come home.  I wanted more time to myself, with my friends, on the beach.  I thought about how many times in my pre-baby life I’d thought about moving to the beach and being a beach-bum for a living.  I’d be good at it.  I could spend 8-10 hours a day on the beach renting out chairs and umbrellas…hell, I think I was made for that job.  I dreaded coming home.  And, yes, I certainly do realize EXACTLY how bad that sounds.

At one point, my wishful thinking included Kira as I considered the thought of her and I heading off to the sand and shores.  I tried to include Vince, although that was more dificult since he isn’t exactly a beach loving person, but I did try. 

After much debate and reverie during my final moments in the sand and surf, I realized that all these thoughts are a direct result of one thing and one thing only:

I still long for the freedom to come and go as I please.  The freedom to walk out the door and not come back, even though I am by nature a more responsible person than that.  The freedom to take a loooong vacation and to move to the beach for good, if I so choose.  The freedom to vacation with Vince where ever we want to go.  The freedom to grab my wallet and go shopping on a whim.  To lay out in the sun and read a book for hours on end.  To go have a drink with my friends, to do whatever, whenever, wherever…

I still long for that freedom…

It makes me feel incredibly selfish and guilty, even just thinking it. 

I love Kira in a way that I have never loved anyone, anything…and that is saying so much, because I love hard everytime I love.  But this is so different, loving this child that grew inside my body.  This child that looks like me, this child who has my blood pumping through her veins, her heart.

I would never even consider leaving her, I can’t even get a clear image of what my life from this point on would be like without her, and God forbid if anything ever takes her from me…I can’t even try to think how I would/could go on, it makes me tremble and shudder at even the thought.  Even with all that love…even still, I wish for the freedom I know I can never have.

I am curious if it ever goes away.  If this is something all parents feel or if my being thirty-something as a first time parent makes this feeling even stronger.

I’d love to hear what you have to say on the subject.

I know that this past week has been extremely difficult for you.  I know that it has been a series of things going wrong and sucking very badly. 

I know that in addition to stress due to things sucking you have been saying good-bye to people you like and a place that you love.

You are doing this all alone and I know how difficult this whole process is from my own experience, but doing it alone makes it ten times worse.

As much as I empathize, I cannot help but feel elated at the thought of you arriving soon.  I cannot wait to see you.  I cannot wait to put my arms around you and hug and hold you as tight as our little brewing baby allows. 

Just the thought of your pending arrival makes my heart skip a beat.  I miss you and I love you, my bestest friend, and I look forward to the look of surprise when you see how much our child has grown.

No matter when you actually arrive (I will let you share your flight mis-adventure with the world), I will be there waiting for you with open arms…

With Love,
Your best friend and devoted wife and the little kicking machine inside me.

I am alive and well.  Sorry for the hiatus, but pregnancy and jetlag don’t mix well.

To recap, Cybr saw me off on the airport bus at 11:30 am Monday June 30th.  He watched as I pulled away, it was all I could do not to cry.  My friend, Teresa, rode with me to the airport to schlep my large suitcases around and see me off.  It was so considerate of her to go with, since Cybr couldn’t…he had to return to our flat to meet the pet exporters.

I flew out of Hong Kong at 1:30 pm and after an untold number (simply because I have not the capacity by which to actually calculate how long I traveled, including layovers and time zone changes) of hours in transit, I arrived in Kansas City, Missouri at nearly midnight on the same day.  I had to wield my luggage around in LAX while going through customs and if it weren’t for a kind older man, I probably would have hurt myself or my baby by lifting those things.  Thanks, kind guy!

My Dad was waiting outside my gate at the KC airport, he was a sight for sore, blackened eyes.  They weren’t really blackened, just appeared that way from lack of sleep…I was not able to sleep for more than a few minutes at a time in flight.

He handled my luggage and drove us back to his house where I think I slept for about 4 or 5 hours.  I tried to get things situated for the fuzzy kids at his house during the day on Tuesday, then at about 10 pm we went to the cargo hold and retrieved Chini, Guinness, Francis and Burrito.  They all looked good, but desperately wanted out of those cages.

We were able to let Chini and Guinness out to take care of their business at the cargo hold.  We took them to a patch of grass and let them out.  They both peed forEVER, or so it seemed, then Chini proceeded to roll in the grass for about 10 minutes…apparently her way of kissing the ground post-flight.

We all came back to my Dad’s and the fuzzies seemed to settle in right away.  Chini, Guinness and Francis all seemed to remember my Dad and his home.  Even Burrito (who is quite the scaredy-cat) was exploring his new digs within just an hour or so.  They are all quite content and comfortable here.

I will have to leave Francis and Burrito behind when I return to St. Louis in about a week.  I am not looking forward, it will break my heart to leave them.  I am trying to think of it as an extended vacation where I would be away from them anyway.  I know they will be fine here with my Dad and will not miss me nearly as much as I miss them…but it is still going to hurt me.

So, the fuzzy kids were all fine, but I had a bit of a health issue this week…you can read about it at Baby Barie if you so desire.

I will slowly be getting back to regular posting, so please check in regularly.  Again, sorry for the lack of posts, but life and getting healthy has been a priority for the past week.

See you soon!

Did I mention that moving sucks?

If you agree, then I actually DO NOT recommend that you move half way around the world.  Especially not with multiple pets in tow.  Most especially not while pregnant.

You add the latter two factors and that equals one stupid-tired, crabby pregnant lady.

As much as I would like to be sharing the last moments of my time living in Hong Kong with all you internuts, I am too damn tired to function.  Plus my back is out.

Could I bitch any more?

Yes.  The answer is and emphatic “YES!!!”.

But I won’t.  Partly because you lovely internuts don’t want to read all my bitchiness but mostly because it requires effort.

I haven’t mentioned this until now because I thought it would change, but that isn’t the case thus far.

While we were away in the U.S. for Christmas a friend of mine took Pixel to her flat to look after him. She updated me frequently as to his wellbeing and mentioned several times during the latter two weeks I was away that he seemed to be sleeping more and eating/drinking less. She was concerned that he wasn’t taking in enough food or water.

I made several suggestions, even going so far as suggesting she take him to see the vet for additional advise.

Upon my return to Hong Kong, she dropped him off to me and I began watching his behavior to make an assessment for myself. I noticed exactly what she has said, he wasn’t eating or drinking much and he seemed considerably less active. He also seemed to be urinating less, which goes with the territory. He is getting older and I thought this may be something natural. I watched him closely, showed him the water and food yet nothing changed. I thought perhaps he was just stressed from being moved around and being in a strange environment while we were away.

Then I saw him attempting to drink from the water bottle. You know the type with the silver ball at the base of a tube that moves and releases the water when an animal licks it? That is the type he has.

The reason for his sickly, strange behavior was due to the fact that he was not able to retrieve any water from the bottle. It is apparently very sensitive and must be setting at a precise angle in order for the ball to release the water. I know this for certain, because I tried it several ways.

I wet my finger, put it in front of his nose and he went desperately crazy for water. I did this until he was satisfied with the amount of water he took in.

I felt like the worst mom/person in the world. He is desperate for water and I didn’t know. He is completely dependent upon me to be sure he is safe, healthy, etc. and I failed.

So, getting to the point…There is both good news and bad.

The good news first. He seems to be fine now and is eating, drinking, running, urinating, and in general more alert.

The bad news is that now he will not even consider the water bottle and will only drink from my finger. This means I have to give him water twice per day when he is awake. It is a pain in the ass, but he is worth it.

We tried a Pine Bud Drink, which seems fairly popular, in Seoul, South Korea this past October/November.

It smells and tastes just like a pine tree smells (and presumably tastes, although I have never opted to chew on one). I likened it to that of licking a pine scented air freshener. Good stuff.

And it is in the cutest little narrow can.

This is Cybr’s new little sister, Lilliputian. She is a tiny baby, yet she rules the roost!

She REALLY likes me and I REALLY like her too, except when she eats all our clothes she had stolen from our suitcases. I was retrieving underwear, socks, and hats/gloves from the living room every day while we were visiting, which can be a bit embarrassing.

She is quite a character.

Namdaemun, or Great South Gate, in Seoul, South Korea

• Arriving to our layover stop at LAX with food poisoning due to our yummy in flight meal and spending most of my 3 1/2 hour layover in the toilet.
• During our layover at LAX, I mentioned to Cybr that his cousin that lives in L.A. may be on the same flight to St. Louis for the big family holiday party.  He said it was unlikely we would be leaving at the same time from L.A, much less on the same airline.  I said we should still keep an eye out.  Him and his girlfriend sat two seats behind me on the flight, but due to lack of sleep I didn’t notice until disembarking.  See, women really do have intuition.
• Christmas Eve was spent with Cybr’s extended family (his father’s side), as they have a big gathering every year.  It was an enjoyable time, one we really looked forward to.  The only downside being that his step-mom got really, really sick.
• Christmas Day we spent with Cybr’s mom and step-dad.  It was a quiet, relaxing day with a delicious dinner.
• We drove to Southeast Missouri to see my family on 26 December and were greeted by my nieces.  Hugging my dad and hugging the girls was long overdue.  It was nice to have them all in one place waiting for my arrival.
• While out in the country, we went to an auction.  Nothing like what you would see on TV, no…this is a junk auction.  You can find some interesting finds and some good deals, but mostly you find some real interesting characters.  We took my grandma and my youngest niece, Alyssa.  Grandma had fun and Alyssa turned out to be quite the bargain hunter.  She is only 10 years old, yet she placed bids and made a couple of purchases like an adult. I enjoyed her company very much that night.
• Just before heading back to St. Louis we had a family dinner with my dad’s side.  I saw my grandma, my aunt, my cousin and her beautiful little girl.  It was so good to see them.
• We rang in 2008 with Cybr’s mom and step-dad.  We had a few drinks and relaxed watching a movie.
• 01 January 2008. We had dinner with Cybr’s dad and family, then we went to the Fabulous Fox to see Wicked.  Dinner was good, the show was good, the wind HURT it was sooooo cold that night.
• We saw I Am Legend at the cinema and REALLY liked it.
• We visited with several friends, including Mutha, Rev, and all their children.  It was a short visit, but we really wanted to see them and meet Juna and so we did.
• I went by Beck/Allen Cabinetry to visit my friend Gret and all my former colleagues.  Several of us went for lunch, including my former boss, and it was so good to see them all.  I miss them! I even miss my job (sometimes)!
• I said good-bye to Cybr and he returned to Hong Kong while I went on to Kansas City, MO to visit my dad for a week.  I actually got to spend some real time with him (I feel like he gets gypped on time when we visit in Southeast MO because I have so much family to see, plus he drives 7 1/2 hours to see me) and it was good to have some catch-up time with him, just the two of us.
• From there, I went to Chicago to spend a week with my best friend Heather and her fam.  We didn’t do much, just hang out and spend time with her kids.  It was great.  We did get out and shop a bit and went to Curves to work out several times.  It was great, her kids are great, she is great.
• Back to St. Louis for a couple of days awaiting my flight out to Hong Kong.  I spent the time at Cybr’s moms house, it went by very quickly.
• Before I left, I met up with a dear friend of mine, Athena, that I haven’t seen in 10 years.  I had such a great time catching up on each other’s lives and reminiscing.  I am so glad she is back in my life and I hope it stays that way.
• I learned to knit.
• I was all except body cavity searched in St. Louis airport and L.A. airport security.  I think I may have mentioned how fun that was.
• I arrived to Hong Kong just before Cybr left for work and was smothered in puppy kisses.

The End.