catandmuse.com

I am walking in the door and two puppies are going bat-shit crazy, they are so excited to see their mom (which would be me). They are jumping all over me and snarfeling*. Chini runs into the other room and returns with her bone jutting straight out of the front of her mouth.

The bone is being breathed through and is making like a Darth Vader breathing apparatus.

I say to Chini: “Awe…she is making like Darth Puppy.”

Chini gets really prancingly excited and really plays up the Darth Puppy routine

I say to Chini in my best Darth Vader voice: “Chini, I ahm your muthah.”

Chini drops bone abruptly and walks away, not even looking back once…

*Snarfeling (snahr-FAH-ling) is the word used to describe when a dog does that funny half-snort/half-breathing thing when they get really excited. It may also be used if they have a lot to say and have not the words to say them with.

Burrito says, “Hey, you! You down there. Can you see my nuts? You better get a good look, ’cause they won’t be there after tomorrow morning…”

Conversation with my cybrhubby about kitty torture (not that we’re into that sort of evil):

Me: I pictured kittens being stomped and some being tossed off a balcony.

Cy: What would be worse would be if the kittens backs were buttered.

Me: How could that possibly be worse? Kittens would just lick the butter off each other, thats not so bad.

Cy: No. I mean cats land on their feet and buttered bread always lands butter side down. So, the cats would land on their backs if their backs were buttered.

Me: That’s just mean! I wouldn’t in a million years relate butter to tossing kitties off balconies… Sometimes we think alike and sometimes we are just in two totally different places.

Cy: Yeah.

Me: Mmm…buttery kittens.

**DISCLAIMER**
I would never actually hurt a kitten or any animal, I am more likely to hurt a human (especially one who hurts animals). Nor would my husband hurt any kittens or I would not be married to him.
No kitties were harmed during the conversation or as a result of this conversation and any discussion of doing so are along the lines of sick humour and nothing more.
Oh, and don’t try this at home.

I may be WAY behind on current T.V. Commercials, but I just saw this one and it cracked me up!!!

These are two ad posters seen along the escalator leading up from the MTR (subway) at Hong Kong Station. This is not a joke, these are actual ad posters that clearly suggest that these condoms are made for a man with a horse cock. As if.

It seems likely that the maker of this ad campaign has some serious over-compensation issues.

This is a photo inside GOD where they have a shark (game chair) infestation:

We are having/had a “strong monsoon” in Hong Kong.

I did not know exactly what a monsoon was by experience, but the gale force winds blowing heavy rain in through our bedroom window Monday night seems to be the worst of it.

I woke from a very light, dissatisfying sleep to find Burrito sitting on the window ledge nodding his head strangely. I had no idea what he was doing, but I found the behavior disconcerting enough to get out of bed and walk over to the window. At a glance, I found that he was nodding at nothing – then the big drip of water hit me in the head.

I touched the kitty pillow and found that it was soaked. This is the part where I realize water is pouring in our window either around or through the air-con window unit.

I retrieved a large bowl and set in the window to collect water only to be annoyed by the LOUD, REPETITIVE DRIPPING NOISE!!!

I really hadn’t slept much up to that point last night due to a stuffy nose and sciatica so by the time of the cat nodding and loud dripping it was around 5 a.m. Let’s just say that lack of sleep + not feeling well + really irritating, repetitive noise + let’s add Francis howling and jumping on me repeatedly = I get really pissy and whiny.

My cybr-hubby, feeling bad for me (and worse for himself having to listen to me bitch and whine), put a towel in the bowl to dull the noise. He is so nice and he would do just about anything for me (to keep me from bitching and whining).

Francis was bent on getting me to follow him into the kitchen. I had been up to see what he wanted to show me about three times during the night, I mean I wasn’t sleeping anyway so why not see what the neurotic cat wants me to get/fix/see/whatever. He is a little like Lassie when it comes to getting me to follow him. Only I think he is a bit more persistent. I thought maybe he killed a lizard/gekko or that he was out of food or had vomited, these are all reasons he has dragged me out of bed during the night previously. He doesn’t like for there to be messes on the floor and he REALLY doesn’t like to see the bottom of his food bowl (even if there is food still in it), so these were the things I was checking for.

Anyway, once the dripping noise stopped I drifted off to sleep for the first time ALL NIGHT. I managed to get a whole 2 1/2-3 hours of good sleep, which I greatly needed.

Once I got up and was taking care of all the fuzzy children, I realized that Francis was upset about a rogue turd that had escaped the litter box. Yes, there was a litter-covered turd nugget in front of the box and this is cause for stress if you are an orange kitty named Francois. As soon as I picked it up he was fine, quite relieved actually. So much, in fact, that Francois finally was able to get some sleep himself.

Well, this is my story of monsoons, sleeplessness and turds…what more could you possibly need to know??

My DS brings all the boys to the yard,
and they’re like,
its better than yours,
damn right its better than yours,
I can teach you,
but I have to charge.

Okay, that was just silly. I couldn’t resist, I love my DS now that I have this kick ass Hello Kitty decal for it. I only got the pink one because I couldn’t get the ice blue one for three months, as everywhere was out of stock. But now that it is a Hello Kitty NDSL, it is the coolest and no other color would work it so well…

My DSL rules!

Twice yesterday while I was in the bathroom humming the song ‘It’s A Small World’, Cybr scared the hell out of me Psycho-style. Only difference is that he was using an electric shaver.

Seriously, having ‘It’s A Small World’ in my head is scary enough.

In other news, for some odd reason I have left my WAY cool Hello Kitty chopsticks set with matching carrying case (similar to the picture, but better) in the bathroom. Cybr says if I serve Tootsie Roll-looking dim sum for dinner, he’s not eating. Hehe.

Leaving things in odd places around my home is a very common occurance for me. It’s a problem, I am aware of it.

I am growing cat grass for Francois, or at least trying to. I am also slowly killing an aloe vera plant and two other house plants. I have the black thumb of DOOM! Yes, you heard me…DOOM! That should be the opposite of having a “green thumb”…at least in my world it is.

I have a plantar wart that will not go away. I got it the day I moved into my home back in St. Louis…in 2002. I bought the house, no wart. I move into the house a week later and BAM!, I have a wart. I think it came with the house. I had seen three podiatrists while I owned the home and none of them could get rid of it, even with various treatments repeated multiple times. I even tried to pull a psych-out by selling my wart for a nickel. No luck on that deal. Three years pass and I sell the house, expecting that when I sell the house the wart goes with it…or not. Still have it, so I move on to yet another podiatrist who treats it repeatedly and with great force. She, too, was dumbfounded when it didn’t even react to the treatments by shrinking in size. I let her treat it until I moved to Hong Kong, yet it is still with me. The point to this story is this:

I am now treating my plantar’s wart with Chinese medicine. It is a topical oil with the following indications: Rheumatism, muscle pain, sprain, spasm, bruise, muscular fatigue, insect bites, etc…

I figure if something that treats such a wide variety of symptoms doesn’t work, then I really am going to have to have an exorcism performed on the damn thing. I just hope this stuff works on plantar’s warts, I mean my ailment does fall into the “et cetera” category. The indications listed above are quoted exactly from the packaging, just so you know. Wish me luck!

UPDATED TO ADD:

I actually did try the duct tape, per my latest podiatrists recommendation after not being able to treat it. A podiatrist told me that! Funny. Not exactly the medical advise you would expect, but I was/am willing to try anything. I also tried garlic cloves. No luck with that either, plus it stinks and is messy.

The duct tape may work for a normal wart, mine is apparently a spawn of the devil. It may take over the world.

The selling the wart for a nickel was a recommendation from my Dad. He said it worked for him when he was a kid, he sold a wart on his hand for a nickel and it went away. So, he offered to buy mine and I took him up on it. Too bad the wart didn’t want to be sold!

Muse: “Awww, what cute little tiny butts. My little puppies have butts…”

Guinness (Doodle): *promptly sticks his nose right up Chini’s ass*

Muse: “Doodle! Get your nose out of there! How would you like it if I put something cold and wet in your butt? Hmmm? You wouldn’t.”

Guinness: *sits*

Cybr: “Wha…??” *shakes his head and decides not to go there*