When I was young, I experienced three separate incidences where a strange man exposed himself while jerking off. Three. Seriously.

The first was when I was on my 8th grade picnic to the St. Louis Zoo. A school bus filled with 13-14 yr old children and a couple of teachers is driving down the highway when myself and a friend of mine decide it would be funny to moon passing cars. So we mooned passing cars. One minivan with a male driver thought that the appropriate response to two white asses in a school bus window was pulling up along side the bus, honking continually, all the while raising up off the drivers seat so we could all get a really good look at him jerking off and relieving himself all over the steering wheel. Everyone saw it, including the teachers and yet nothing was ever said or done about it.

The second incident was when I was barely 18 yrs old and running an errand in the morning. I was running late, had bed head and a bit of morning breath…not that it matters, just a vivid memory. I drove toward the highway and noticed a man in a car next to me was honking and waving, but I did not know this person so I ignored him. I continued onto the highway and he continued to honk when I realized that he, too, had himself raised up off the seat and was spanking his monkey. I was still groggy from having just awakened, so I thought ‘fuck this guy, I am outta here‘. He, however, had a different plan. He would not allow me to pass nor fall behind to get away from him, he was making sure I had to watch. This pissed me off more than anything and I responded by trying to swerve into him and scare him into thinking I would run him off the road or into other cars. It worked, he left.

The third, dare I say final, time I was driving to work at about 7:30 a.m when I was about 23 yrs old. I am sitting in stop-and-go rush hour traffic when some jackass starts honking at me. I assume it is someone pissed about the traffic, but much to my dismay it is the pervert next to me trying to get my attention so I can see him jerking off.  Now I am thinking, ‘Again? Is this for real? Am I the only one that doesn’t masturbate in the car?!?‘.  At this time in my life I had no cell phone, but I did pick up some object from my console, put it up to my ear and yell to the guy “Hey, asshole! I have your license number and I am calling the cops right now! Does that do it for ya?!?”.  He took the first opening in traffic and got away from me.

I think this is an abundancy of deviant sexual behavior on highways for one person! I mentioned this to some family members and walked away with the following information from an uncle who drove a truck in the St. Louis area, as well as inter-state…

He says that when you sit up high in a truck all day, you are amazed at how many people are jerking off. It happens on almost every road you travel on.

Creepy, huh?

What made me think about these incidents was this post. I never really thought much about my reaction, other than knowing it made me very angry. I never felt “victimized”, just pissed. I never thought about it before, but I could totally understand how some one would feel afraid and maybe even a little dirty. I don’t think being victim is really anyone’s choice, but how you deal with it is. You can’t control other people’s actions but you can control your reactions. In my opinion, getting pissed is way more healing than being afraid.

I will leave you all with this question:

How many of my readers have done the deed while driving?

This entry was posted on Friday, June 8th, 2007 at 11:21 am and is filed under strange and unusual. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.