Discovering motherhood…one poopy diaper at a time.

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The Build-a-Bear finale.

The ever so pleasant first Santa experience!

dr suess
The awesome Dr. Seuss Christmas outfit worn in her Santa pic.

The Gameformer magazine she dragged around the house this afternoon…and OMG, she looks just like me as a kid in this picture.

Alas…time for her tubby, a Martin Short-esque shampoo hair-do, and a bit of a pout.


what more could I possibly say?!?

Happy Black Friday!  Or day after Thanksgiving, if you prefer.  I prefer the latter, as I am not so crazy as to line up in freezing temperatures and fight crowds.  I would rather pay more for stuff, no…actually I’d rather shop online.

I hope you had a lovely day of thanks, good food and good company.

I was just thinking about crashing for the night when my blog popped into my mind, so here I am.  I must say, I am appalled by my lack of input to my site.  Where have I been?!?!?!?!

I can hardly believe how quickly the time passes, too fast.

Meanwhile, here’s a brief update.  As you know, Kira is 1 year old now and she is always on the go, always walking and running.  Her new thing is to back up to and sit upon all the animals she encounters.  It is cute, but I need to stop this behavior before she gets hurt.  Uh, to say the least, she is not gentle about plopping down on them and I worry that someone fuzzy will eventually react unpleasantly.

Kira is having reflux and gas symptoms nearly as bad as she did at about age 4 months, she is also having a lot of diarrhea that is burning her skin.  I took her to a pediatric GI specialist and got accused of being crazy for stating both factually and calmly that giving Kira milk as an experiment makes me anxious.  The doctor wants to see for himself, but he doesn’t have to live with the consequences.  The consequences make me anxious.  The doc says my reaction worries her more than the problem and if I am not already, then I should consider “seeing someone” and perhaps getting some kind of anxiety meds.  I personally believe that it would be more disturbing if I had been pleased about making my daughter sick.  But what do I know?!?  They decided to test her for celiac disease, but fortunately the results were negative.  I just wish I knew what was wrong so that we can make her feel better…

Meanwhile, there isn’t much else happening.

I’ll be back.  Really, I swear!

Today is the official day my peanut turns 1 year old.  Not technically until after 10 p.m. Central time, but I am hoping she will be soundly sleeping by then.

This day is very special for so many reasons, too many to name right now but perhaps I will try at a later date.

For now, here are some pictures from Kira’s special day(s):

Bowler Hat and eating Little People

Bowler Hat and eating Little People

Kiraboo eating her first cake (allergy-free, of course)

Kiraboo eating her first cake (allergy-free, of course)

Ah, yes.  There is my other 1 year old, lol.

Ah, yes. There is my other 1 year old, lol.


We will be taking Kira out in her Babyzilla costume (as I have deemed it) tomorrow for her first Halloween and first Trick or Treating.

I am really looking forward to many her first Halloween and many, many more to follow.  We are taking her by two of her grandparents and by a local police station where her uncle works.

Then, since she is allergic to most everything and she is too little for most candy, we shall take candy from our baby.  And we shall eat it, too!

I am having a bad mom day.

I don’t feel like I am cut out for this.

Does/Has anyone else feel/felt this way?  I am sure it is normal, but damn it cuts deep.
An excerpt from an IM between me and my ever-so-supportive husband (and good dad), it is brutally honest about how i feel today, so be warned.  Don’t judge me to harshly or if you do fuck off and keep it to yourself.

me: i feel like all i’ve done is fight all day and i don’t think i am cut out for being a mother, at least not a good one.

Cybr: The fact that you can survive days like this show that you are a good mother.  A bad mother would have done something they should regret

me: i just sit here and cry…occasionally yell, mostly at the dogs and cats but once at kira today

i hate this temper (tantrum) shit
i hate that she won’t nap when she can’t even stand (because she’s so tired)
i hate that i yelled at her
i hate that i don’t know what to do or if what i do is right
i hate that she calls your name when i don’t go in her room after about 10 minutes of screaming
i am so burned out right now
i think i need meds to cope with being a mom and i hate that too.
i am a shitty mom if i have to be medicated to do it
Cybr: you are doing good you just don’t give yourself enough credit
you do great with Kira, you should be proud
there are going to be bad days for both of you…  she’s probably feeling sick from us or something else…  its going to happen
you are sick and I’m around sick people so its only a matter of time till she gets something
hell we’ve been extremely lucky in that area so far
its been almost a year and how many times has she TRULY been sick?  Not many.

Kira has said “hi”, “hi, bob”, “momma”, “dada”, “kitteh”, “pup”, “a bowl”, “no”, “not now”…uh, that is all I can think of to date.

Until this weekend when she saw a duck on her hooded towel and added “duck” after her dada told her what it was.  She seemed to identify the duck with the word duck until this week when so far all she has repeatedly said is “duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, guck, guck, duck, duck, dock, guck, guck, glock, duck, duck, duck…” .

It was very cute and now it is making me nuts.  I had to escape for a bit of grown-up, duck-free time last night at Kohl’s with my 30% off coupon.  It wasn’t a very successful trip, but at least there were no ducks.

I just watched an episode of How It’s Made on the Science channel…yes, we are big dorks.

Anyway, this was an episode of how sparklers are made.  They mix barium nitrate, boric acid, water, corn starch, iron filings and aluminum.  They dip wire cut to the length of the sparkler into the mixture and then bake it on.

I find it odd that water is an ingredient of something that burns and then they bake something that burns but it doesn’t burn while baking…hmm, makes me think, which has become considerably more painful and at risk for starting fires since having a child.

But what I really want to know is…

Who the hell actually sits around and thinks about mixing the afore mentioned group of ingredients together, dipping a stick in it, heating it up and then figuring out when it actually sets fire, you get sparkly bits?!!?

I can’t believe how quickly time passes once you have a kid.  It went fast post-high school, but that pales in comparison to how fast is passes now that Kira is here.

She amazes me everyday, everyday I learn as much from her as I teach her, she makes me a better person…


Out four-wheeling with Grandpa.

hey dada(sm)

Chillin’ with Daddy in front of Grandpa’s Rock House.


Making like a mini rock star in her baby shades…with beenana on the lens, lol.


I love my shiny, happy baby!


The date has been changed due to rain/storms to Sunday September 27th, 9:30 – noon at McNair Park in St. Charles, MO.  Please call 314-808-2781 if you would like to stop by!  Thank you and please look for another date in the near future!

I thought I’d share some recent photos I’ve taken, as well as inform any St. Louis area residents that I am going to do a special Fall Photo Shoot for children of all ages the weekend of September 26/27th.


I will be at a St. Charles Location one day and a St. Louis location the other…locations to be determined.  The shoots will likely be at 9 am until noon-ish, depending on response.  The session is 20-30 minutes long for each kid, includes proof shots (roughly between 4-6, depends on the child) and is only $25.  For families with more than one, add $10 per child.  Once you receive your proofs (about 2 weeks), you may order as many prints as you want in what ever pose(s) you want at very reasonable prices.

I would love to hear your input on the special/the photos/a location of interest and, of course, see interest in the shoot from anyone that is available!

Thanks so much!

For more information, confirm your attendance, ask questions, or whatever else you may leave a comment that includes your email (no phone numbers in the comments, please! it’s just not a good idea) or you may email me at (feel free to include your phone number in this email, it will be safe with me).  I will be posting additional information, but feel free to ask if you have questions.  If you have any other photography needs that you’d like to fit into this time slot, just ask and we can figure something out…for instance, siblings together or perhaps grown ups.

ADDITIONAL PHOTOS –>>> Read the rest of this entry »