Discovering motherhood…one poopy diaper at a time.

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I thought I would share my day with the internuts.

I think I will backtrack a bit to add that Friday night was spent in a battle of wits.  Vince and I vs. Christmas tree lights.  They nearly kicked our ass.  We ended up tossing the majority of our cumulative collection in the garbage.  And that was the most enjoyable part of the whole experience.  Well, not really, I suppose I really did enjoy making up mean songs about Christmas lights to the tune of several Christmas songs.  But I would enjoy that sort of thing.

Now, moving on to the Saturday festivities…

I awoke to the invite for breakfast and to laundry. This starts out pretty exciting, eh?  Then on to breakfast at IHOP, which was yummy delicious, where my child proceeded to act spastic near the end of our excursion.  She took a power nap of 20 minutes on the way home and then proceeded to be all bouncy, so we decided to pack her lunch and torture ourselves at the mall.  We managed to kill two birds with one stone:  1) we got Kira’s picture taken with Santa for the first time ever and 2) we did her first ever Build-a-Bear because I had a coupon (I lurves me some coupon savings!!).

The mall traffic sucked ASS!  The insane traffic, the crowded stores and just the simple fact that it is a mall is why I try to avoid ever going there.  I know, I know…I am not a girl, well at least not in the sterotypical “liking to shop” sort of way.  Trust me, my husband can and HAS out-shopped me by a long shot.

We lost Vince at a cool pub decor store and went to BAB.  Kira immediately grabbed FOUR unstuffed animals, a polar bear, a kitteh, and 2 different teddy bears and latched onto them like a leech.  We waited for Vince and waited and waited until I realized I didn’t have my cell phone.  So, I pried the unstuffed animals from Kira’s firm grip and went looking for him…no such luck, so we headed back and called his mobile from the BAB store phone.  No answer, gah!

He finally strolls in and we get Kira a polar bear.  She did quite well for such a tiny girl, she even pressed the pedal all by herself to blow the stuffing in.  She kept her death-grip on her polar bear until I fed her in line for Santa.

Ah, the first Santa experience…I walk her up to him and she starts screaming and crying.  Most likely to the horror of most of the other parents waiting in line, I hand her over to this Santa stranger, step back and tell the lady to take the picture tears, smiles or whatever we get…I WANT THIS PICTURE!  So, we got pictures with Santa and the lady did manage to distract her enough to get the “what, are you nuts?!?” glare from my kid.  I love it!  Then they stuck it to us for $20 for 2 5 x 7′s.  That is crazy shit.  I assure you next year we will try another approach, like the Breakfast with Santa event or something.  It couldn’t possibly be worse than the effing mall.

At this point Kira was wiped out, as were we.  We came home and she napped for all of an hour, maybe.  We ate dinner and then I got peed on a little.  And then I knelt in the pee.  Hmm…I think that will be all for today!

Tomorrow we shall have our first family portrait done, dinner with family and then I shall hopefully get a good night sleep before I proceed with intentionally making my child ill by giving her milk to drink.  Doctors are so sadistic…

Oh, I almost forgot to mention that on the way to breakfast I threw Kira’s sippy cup of apple-banana juice into my purse and upon arrival discovered that the lid wasn’t secure and about half the sippy cup emptied into my purse!  This was quite funny until I realized this evening that my MP3 player was in there…YIKES!  I am just hoping that it isn’t f.u.b.a.r.

All in all, it was a crazy day and I had a great time!!!

Today is my 3rd wedding anniversary.  We both forgot about it, as you may have read at

Happy Anniversary!  We can celebrate in a week or so when I get back from Chicago…assuming I survive the remainder of the week with 7 kids!

Yeah, I said 7.

There is one 8 month old, two 3 year olds, one 5 year old, two 6 year olds and 12 year old.  Yikes.  I say that with less enthusiasm after 4 days with them, as they are wearing me down.  I know for certain that they are all really good kids; however, I also know for certain that I may never have more than one (possibly two)…and I am debating keeping the one I’ve got.

A week with this many kids makes you yell a lot more than you would prefer, it makes you more tired than you ever imagined possible, it makes you laugh more than usual, laugh harder than usual, and gets your blood pressure higher than is healthy.

In other news, my baby girl is having some issues and some milestones.  While I turned my head for a brief moment, she took a hit off a soy milk filled sippy cup on Monday which she and I both have been paying dearly for ever since.  She is starting to feel better, but still having some issues with a raw, red butt and diarrhea…oh, and an eczema flare up.  She has been saying “momma” for a week, started it last Thursday and hasn’t stopped saying it since.  It is funny how that is the best moment ever when your child starts calling you momma, then after a few years you get so sick of hearing it you consider the witness protection program.  Her first REAL teeth, for those of you who saw her FAKE first teeth (hehe), have come through and can be felt and seen clearly now.  It is the bottom two.  Awe, my baby is getting so big.

See you soon, Vince, and I’ll take you up on the celebration when I get home!

I have recently been considering how important it is to me that my little girl grows up knowing the value of self.  Specifically, I have been thinking what we, her parents, need to be certain to make happen during her impressionable years so that she grows into an adult that knows her self-worth.

There have been a few things recently that I have been experiencing that have put this thought in my head:

  1. doing research to determine a price for my photography based on others locally who I consider to be comparable to my own quality.
  2. being networked to so many friends, both from past and present, who are presently (or are considering) going back to school to embark on a completely new career path
  3. based on items 1 and 2, contemplating how I see myself and how that will ultimately effect Kira as she grows up and develops her own self-worth

This has been a HUGE eye-opener for me.  HUGE, with a capital G.

I find my value being considerably less than it should be when I breakdown my internal dialogue.  This is not good.  This is not acceptable.

I am so proud of all my friends that are chasing down dreams and making them real, especially after having settled into a routine for so long.  It makes me want to do the same, to really go after what I have always wanted.  To make a reality of the things I put to the back corner of my mind so many years ago.

When I think of making this a reality, it is then my excuses become innumerable.

That is when I realized exactly how important having a family support system is.  To have people who openly, verbally believe in you and encourage you.

I am not going to digress into my own childhood here and ramble on about it.  I will, however, say this much:  I had people that believed in and encouraged me during my childhood and adolescence.  I also had someone I greatly admired that verbally tore me to shreds and diminished every chance for me to feel good and worthy of good.  For every word of encouragement or support, there were hundreds of words berating, belittling and breaking me down.  These words have carried some weight throughout my life, as is always the case with negativity, but I believed that I had left much of the past behind me up til now.

Now, more than ever, I have to face this and repair it.  It is of dire importance for Kira’s sake that I not only be the best person I can be, but that I practice what I preach to her, as well.  I can’t just say, “Know your self-worth!” to her, not if it will make a hypocrite of me.

I have a huge obstacle ahead of me that I must hurdle.  I will be digging deep to clear out any remaining negative thoughts and the voice I hear that says, “You can’t do that, you aren’t smart enough, good enough, capable enough.  You missed your opportunity.  You threw it all away”.  I also have to find my way past a maze of excuses like “you don’t have enough time, you should really be more realistic, you are taking away from your family, and your husband shouldn’t have to endure the financial burden of your dream chasing”.

The truth is, myself as well as my family will pay a higher price if I never chase my dreams…

(P.S.  It is amazingly difficult to make such a bold statement of my shortcomings.  But I believe the truth and facing the truth head on will be what makes all the difference in setting me free from this toxic thinking.  I also believe there are probably a lot of you out there, perhaps reading this right now, that feel very similarly.  I hope you find a way to overcome your own negative self-image, no matter the nature or origin of it.)

We need to get the pantry doors repaired so that they will close while it will only cost about $50 and some time.

If we wait much longer, it will end up costing us about $3000 (give or take).  The major difference in cost will simply be because of the surgical veterinary bills we will soon incur due to my stoopid cat, Burrito, eating all the plastic off the case of water.

He isn’t always stoopid, but he is eating plastic.  It’s either that or a vitamin deficiency, which I’m not betting on. He’s lucky we love him.


I was in a crappy-with-a-capital-Y mood on Saturday.  I have no reason for it, I just was.  I got out of the house for a bit sans family because I thought 1) it would help my mood to have a little “me” time and 2) I figured I could kick my own ass at the gym if retail therapy didn’t help.

I went by Garden ridge for some planters and when I pulled into their busy parking lot, a Enterprise rental van was cutting through all parking lanes in a rather dangerous manner.  I, being the passive-aggressive driver that I can be, did not even slow down a bit.  I thought, “go ahead, hit me!” and kept my pace up the parking lot lane.  As she looked right at me, waved her arm at me, not slowing down even a little, cutting through parked cars and across lanes, risking people’s vehicles and safety…I laid on the horn and continued right for her.

At that moment, I truly wished that money was no object for us because I would have broad-sided her.

So, she saw myself and two other cars driving where we had the RIGHT OF WAY and proceeded without caution.  I was pissed anyway so this really bothered me.  I nearly took a parking spot near the entrance to the store but I knew it would burn a hole through me if I didn’t say something to her.

I circled around and over a couple of aisles where she had parked and pulled up next to her with my window down and ever-so-rudely asked her, “Do you think the fucking rules don’t apply to you?!?” and drove away flipping her the bird.

Now, I freaked her out a bit by pulling up next to her, but by no means do I believe that my action, or in this case REaction, has changed this woman into a more considerate, safe driver…I’m not kidding myself.  But it did make me feel better instead of holding it in for it to fester into something ripe and nasty.

I also had a few revelations this weekend, including:

  1. I think there is barbecue sauce on my ceiling.
  2. I really hate my chosen wordpress theme.
  3. Only one of my kids toenails ever grows.  Just one.
  4. Bananas make my kid poop like grown up.

That is about it.

Oh, and I started a new craft project this weekend but I can’t tell you what it is…or I’ll have to kill you.

First of all, let me catch you up on what is happening around here…

I got sick. Then Kira got sick.  Then I thought I was going to lose my mind taking care of a 3 1/2 month old baby who couldn’t breathe.  It really sucked for her and for me!  Thankfully, I think we are both past that.

We took Kira for her very first visit to the St. Louis Zoo!  It was a gorgeous day so we got out of the house for a while.  She loves looking at everything and everyone.  She exhausted herself within the first 30 minutes we were there.  Once I got her to sleep, we walked the zoo for a long time and just enjoyed the day.  It was really great being outside all day, especially after being couped up inside all winter.

Here is a photo of Cybr showing Kira the zebra penny he made for her:


And here is a penguin (just because it is cute):


We are not celebratory of Valentine’s Day around our house.  My husband thinks it is nothing more than a Hallmark holiday when it becomes all about flowers, cards, candy, jewelry and all other heart-shaped paraphernalia…so, we don’t do flowers, cards or candy…okay, sometimes I buy us chocolate covered strawberries because you can only ever find them this time of year without going to specialty candy shops but if I could buy those at the local grocery in mid-July or any other month of the year, believe me I would.  Oh, and I am just not a really romantic kind of gal.  My idea of romance is…well, lets not go there.

I digress, which oddly makes me feel much like my “old self” (pre-baby) again….

My point is that I had a lovely V-Day in our own way and my husband didn’t have to get a loan to buy a huge bouqet of flowers or any bling.  Instead, he showed his love in the best way possible…He stayed home with Kira for 2 hours while I went and drank over-priced coffee and read a book.  A BOOK!  I GOT TO READ A BOOK!  That hasn’t happened in quite a while now.  That is the closest thing to a vacation I am going to have for some time…getting lost in a book.  It was awesome.  It is the little things that make me happy…

After my return from reading (w00t!!), I fed Kira and then we shopped for bedroom furniture for a while.  That was a dead end, but at least we have a better idea what we like.  Kira, the little sweetness, slept the whole time we shopped.  Then, we went to Houlihan’s for an early dinner at which Kira watched us and all the other people with wide-eyes.  I fed her some cereal and we came home.  She went to bed tonight without a huge struggle at 8:30!!!!! which is greatly improved from her former 11 p.m. bedtime schedule which was KILLING ME slowly.

Once Kira was sleeping soundly, Vince and I went through a few boxes in our family room.  No, we are still not even close to being unpacked, nor will we be this year at the rate we are unpacking.  He went through one box and I went through one, but everytime he pulled something out that belonged to me, he handed it to me.  The next thing I know, I am holding these random items and he is handing me another saying, “This must be yours” and I respond with an emphatic, “Stop handing me everything that is mine, dammit, what do you expect me to do with this stuff?!?”.  We both bust up laughing.  I swear, he is so weird that he makes me look normal…not an easy feat!

Now I am blogging and he is playing XBOX360…we are a match made in heaven, really.

Missing you.

Kira’s Aunt Hebby came to visit her last weekend, all the way from Chicagoland.  This is the first time she met her Aunt Hebby and she absolutely loved her!  She thought her Aunt Hebby was sooooo funny and so does her mommy.

We miss Aunt Hebby and wish she was closer (really, that we were closer to her!) so we could visit all the time.


We have a house.  The closing went a bit rough, but we survived. 

The kittehs are here.  They remember their mom and are happy to see me…what a HUGE relief.  I have had my kitty-fix and am feeling much better. 

I have no idea what we are going to do with all the crap still coming from storage.  We have only received our sea shipment from Hong Kong and already there is stuff everywhere.  I have no idea…but the movers are bringing it tomorrow, so soon we shall see.

We had tons of help getting some things done yesterday, both friends and family showed up and took care of all the little things we needed complete immediately.  Plus washed dishes, scrubbed the inside of the refrigerator/freezer, painted the nursery…this, in addition to a plumbing repair, electrical repair, fencing repair, and much more. 

I have had two EXTREMELY long days, or maybe three.  I think I have walked the baby down even further and it will not be long.  We shall see!

I have a lot more free time than I used to.  It is a good thing because I am mostly exhausted and need the rest but it is a bit sad, too, because then I do things like this…

This is one of the things I have been up to recently.  We shaved all the shave-able dogs which made Sassy cold once her hair was gone…So, this was the obvious solution: